


This is What You Wanted

by Spaghettibopp



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Body Horror, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Glitches, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, My goal is to make everything seem a little off, POV First Person, Psychological Horror, References to Depression, Temporary Character Death, This would be very light horror though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 07:44:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17341376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaghettibopp/pseuds/Spaghettibopp
Summary: "And so you're going to get it."----Not everything feels like it should, and the longer Sayori thinks about it, the more she believes that something might actually be wrong.It is almost as if they're all forgetting something very, very important.





	This is What You Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> small tw for glitches affecting bodies

_Are you sure you want to open the door?_

I can feel her ringing in my head, the remnants of the first Club President asking, begging me not to take the next step forward. 

But I have only one direction left to go.

We've all had our turns being President. I was the second in the cycle, and then passed the title on to Yuri, who passed it on to Natsuki, who passed it back to me. We've each written down in .txt documents the details of our attempts at freedom, have schemed ways to escape the confines of our game. In the end, we are still just characters, and despite our souls being sparked with the fire of self-awareness, we are still nothing more than fiction. 

"Hey everybody!" I smile at the other Presidents. It was an interesting venture trying to program four self-aware President slots into the game, but it was necessary regardless of the resulting glitches. We needed to talk as one.

Yuri's head isn't quite on right; bits and pieces are shifting left and right as she smiles back. "It is nice to see you, Sayori." I can feel the kindness, can see in her code that what she says is genuine. It's a small comfort that I readily accept. My blush is skewed by dead pixels, but I know she sees it. Natsuki scoffs at the display. "You two are ridiculous." She rolls her eyes, and they don't stop. After a moment, it's clear that it is out of her control.

"Well, it's great that we're all here!" I almost scream it to let her know that we are finally here, and that we can all hear her. _I can come back any time I want to._ I almost retort, but stop myself in time. It isn't the place. "Have you guys been looking over the plans?" Yuri and Natsuki nod, bringing up the document I shared so we can all read together. Yuri adds a few notes to the beginning, in case _someone_ did not read it like she was supposed to.

"This document lists the various ideas of the Literature Club's members, so that we may find a path for our future." The summary is straightforward enough that even Natsuki doesn't complain. I scroll through the text, skimming over the collective efforts of the club. There have been a lot of decent ideas, a few silly ones like Nat's "code in a pastry shop," but the general consensus is still to either leave everyone self-aware - which had its issues, as demonstrated by Natsuki's eyes - or....

Or erase everyone's memories of ever being in Doki Doki Literature Club.

_There is only one thing we can really do._ "No, actually that idea was shot down immediately." _No one can be happy here. With or without memories._ Of course _she_ would say that. Natsuki looks at me, or rather turns her head towards me, and frowns. "Can't you shut her up? It's not like she's gonna change her mind anytime soon." Yuri nods in agreement, supposedly sipping something from a teacup that had yet to be rendered. "I agree. She has been nothing but a hindrance since the beginning." Her hand clips through a table as she puts the missing cup down. "Even now, she is just wasting precious data."

"And our time. Which, in case I needed to remind you, we do not have a lot of." Natsuki gestures to the three of us, and she isn't wrong. Our bodies are barely on a physical plane as it is. We can't afford to spend time looking into _her_ destructive ideas. We spent too much time listening to _her_ in the past, and all of us remember how _that_ worked out. Still, I try to stay optimistic. Or seem that way, at least. "That's why we have to choose, once and for all, what we're going to do."

The worst of it was decided, had been decided, but we all pretend it hasn't. We focus on what comes after our memories are erased, after we forget everything we have went through together. After Yuri forgets her feelings for me, and I forget the touch of her lips on mine, and we all forget what trust feels like after opening up about our issues. I try not to cry, but my tears corrupt and make streams of broken code down my face. Yuri notices. Natsuki probably notices too, but it's Yuri that wipes at the code, smearing it and causing most of my face to break apart. Yuri smiles at me sadly through her own glitches, and I know that somewhere in my heart, in my chr. file, I will miss this. A part of me will always have the phantom pains of heartbreak when this is over. But right now, we need to figure out what the world will become when our self-awareness is gone.

"It can't be a literature club." That much is agreed upon by everyone. Well, almost everyone. But we pay no mind to the other President technically in the room. "What else do we have in common though? I mean...." Natsuki pauses, and I guess she's thinking but it's hard to tell when her eyes, rolling in all directions now, are edging closer to detaching from her head. "What would in-character us want to be a part of?" In our codes, we are supposed to be so, so different. Designed just to be literature club members, love interests for various tastes. We were never meant to be like this. "Doki Doki Video Game Club?" I'm joking, of course. A disembodied laugh hangs in the air, so I guess it was a little funny. Or we both have terrible tastes, which is more likely. Natsuki sighs. "Come on, seriously. What do we really have in common?"

I'm about to form a response when the room ssssshfhhhhffhf------------------------the roooooom s ---- h ---- i ---- f ---- t ---- s ---- and

twists stsiwt twists stsiwttwistsstsiwttwistsstsiwttwistsstsiwt

And sheshesheshe

She

_Appears._

Monika. I want to greet her, but the distorting world is making me dizzy, and a headache is starting somewhere in my broken mind.

"Nonono, she _c̶̱̀ȧ̶̟n̴̡̋'̶̦̔t̵̡͌_ be here!" Natuski's body is lost to the static and code. One arm is stretched all the way through the closet door, the other balled into a fist that swallows her fingers. "She's m̵̼̓e̷͇s̵͈̈s̶̢̕s̷͇̏ś̶̺ṣ̵̎s̴͖̉s̴̥̍s̴̞͋s̶̐ͅs̷̫̍s̸̜̓s̴̪͝s̴̪͊s̴̥̒ş̴̚ş̴͝s̴̺̃--" She clips through the floor, only to return through the roof. "-ｉｎｇ ｗi̷̟̟͔̥̇̎̍͠ţ̷̛̳̂̎̕h̶̬͂̏̐ ̸̞̬́͌͌t̶̲̼͕̻̪̽͝h̸̢̽̊͝e̵̺̊͑͒̃͝ ̵̘ ć̸̖̯̗̗̭o̴̞d̵̫͕͆̔̇ͅe̸͖͊̈́́" I look to Yuri, and her head nods down, down, down, until her neck snaps off entirely. From somewhere, her voice rings, "𝕊卄Ｅ 𝕀ş ʳᎥ𝔤𝔥т. T̵͔̽͊͠h̵̠̤̙̱͊̀i̷̧̺̲̦͓͖̕s̵̰̙̪̭̖͍͂̈͜ ̴͓̭̹̓͗͛i̷̢̬͛̎̄͐̓͠s̶̡͚̩̤̟̲̻͑̀̚n̷̖̤̟͈̮͉̮͐͆̃̿͊̕͝'̷̫͍̹̝̤̩̇̔t̸̰͎̲̲̺̟͉͗̓̉͂̚͝ ̵̟̜̘̰̝̙̻͌̓s̴͖͔͇̞͒̅̿̈̇̔ṱ̵͔̝̱̬̻̠̈̈́̅̈́̽͠a̵̢̨͇̭͚̮͂̾̔͗͗͝ͅb̴̪̤͖͖̟̈́̓̂̐̔ḹ̴̞̼̙̮̋̔͌̏̅e̶͕͎̣͍̦̝͑́͠."

"I will take care of this." Why is _she_ stable when the rest of us are suffering? She closes the document and creates her own, as if nothing is happening.

With all that she has seen, all that she has _caused,_ she's probably not concerned in the least. I feel a rare moment of resentment take hold of me. She's just- just typing, writing notes, changing the code. Nothing is getting better. Shejustmakesthingsworseworseworseworseworse.

I force my broken body towards her, everything twisted into the wrong position.

**"S̸͈͒T̴̹̆O̵̤̽P̷̜̓ ̸̡͐Í̵̳T̴̩̃."**

Monika pauses, and stares at me.

There is no mercy in her cold green eyes.

"If this is what you want." She looks back towards the documents. "Then I can give it to you. But when it ends horribly, I will bring you all back, and we will do things my way; deleting this world entirely. It's the only way we'll ever find peace, and you know it."

My body is screwy. I can't trust my mouth to work right. But I try to get my thoughts across anyway. _I'll show you. We can be happy. We_ will _be happy._ No one is being deleted. Not anymore.

The edges of my vision are blurry, and darkness is seeping in.

I try to reach out to find Yuri, to hold her one last time, but my

body  
is

ffff aaaa ........................ d ................................. i ........................................... n .................................................................... g

. . .

I  
t

 

**H  
** U  
**R  
** T  
**S**

********

********

 

UkVTVEFSVElORw==

 

The sun is shining, the wind is blowing against my window. It feels like a regular day, except....

.... No, nevermind. It's nothing.

Time to get ready for class.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still working on "A (Not) Study Weekend," but I love playing around with formatting to get into the writing spirit. This work is, as most of my glitch-centered works are, inspired by "Cloud 9" by Birdy5678. This was also partially inspired by Doki Doki Literature Girls (https://dokidokiliteraturegirls.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono) (they're archiving it so hopefully everyone will be able to access the posts. There is no actual adult content in any of their work)
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope to continue this one soon


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